I feel so alone. I'm needing to talk to someone, about anything, and I don't even know who to start with. I try to be there for everyone near me, and I feel there's No one there for me. This feeling sucks.

Man I love my crew. We had a blast tonight, one of my top ten fav. shifts! Even if I am either fired or suspended for a week. Yesterday (thur) My friend Heather and I got into an argument at work, and then today when I came in we were both off the schedule. I don't know what I will do if I am fired, I will be very sad. I love this job, the people are was awesome. My boss won't tell us what the hell is going on, and we both talked it out ourselves today (we live across the hall from one another) and we are great again. If he fires both of us he's gonna be screwing himself, the week after next is our busiest full week of the year (orientation week and county fair). Dork.

I had kinda forgotten about LJ. I'm all about the facebook these days! Nothing too new, working, bein sick moved, promotion, raise coming up, and hopefully before christmas another promotion. Good friend is moving into the apartment complex I live in, so that will be fun!

I want a new one.

Lilly's birthday is on Sunday. We got her a barbie, and a cute little car. We leave to go down state in a week ad a half. I'm excited. I got my paper work a few nights ago to start training for management. I'm so ready for this. I know I'l be god at this job. Also I'll be pulling in about 1500 a month after taxes, so that makes me happy too. I'll get the book I need to fill out before break, but won't start training probably till after the holidays. There's a very good chance that we will move into a house in the summer, since I got the promotion.

I'll be making more than my mom with this. She gets pretty angry and sad, so I probably won't tell her. I got promoted to a trainer like 6 weeks ago, and now I get to be promoted again. I also just finally got all my uniforms. HAHA. I'm a happy camper.

Things are going ok right now. My health has been in the shitter, but most other aspects of my life are going pretty well right now. I'm getting more and more excited to come home for Christmas. Mostly cuz I want a descent break from work. I guess nearly every manager is hounding Tim to promote me before the holidays, because we need more managers. He might as well I do the managers job every shift I work. The only thing that I don't do is, paperwork. One of my managers was testing me, I think, She needed to take a break and she was the manager in Charge, so she said that I was in charge for 15 minutes. The reason I think that it was a test, is because there was 3 other managers there at the time. Before she had come back, I had everything that needed to be done for the night done, about an hour before it usually is. She was Happy. She told Tim today that she thinks I'm one of the only people there right now that would do a good job as manager, that isn't already one. She likes me, which is awesome, because she lives with my asst. Manager, and is also good friends with Tim. I was kinda happy to hear that.

Last night when i got home from work, I was very happy. I had known that Obama had won, but no Idea that the two props passed! I'm so happy that michigan voters were smart enough to see the good in pot and did the right thing. I want to know when this law is going to take effect though so's that I can get my card.

I got my promotion to trainer last night, and a spiffy new shirt and name tag to go with it. Hopefully I won't be at this position for too long. I want to be manager by christmas or I may find a new job :) I know I can find a better paying job up here now. But I like working there, I like the job and the people. They're awesome, just a little slow. I hope I can help change that.

mood: sore

so first order of the day, I broke our drive-thru. we couldn't talk to our customers cuz i turned some knob too much. So from 11-3 I was running outside and taking like cars orders at a time, running back in punching in the orders cashing out the cars at the window, taking are of the customers in the lobby, running back outside and starting all over. I did that the whole time I was there. Then tonight we just told people to come inside, oh yeah I caused an accident by telling people that it will be faster for them to come into the lobby. The guy backed up really fast, and smashed the guy behind him. We were busy the whole day. It's homecoming weekend for Tech. ok it's 6 am i need to crash.

mood: cheerful

so, I love my job, but I'm getting burned out. Last week I worked 51 hours. This week will be bout 46. Today alone I work 14-16 hours. My boss said that I won't be made manager yet, because he has to know that he can trust me. ..... ok.... I'm there every shift, I come in when needed, even if it means working WAY too much in one day. I'm always early, for everything. I've followed through with everything I said that I would do. I don't know what else there is for him to need. I've proven myself multiple times, and many different things. I know more about actually running the store than he does. Usually when there's something wrong, he asks me (if I'm there) He closed with me a few weeks ago, I pretty much ran the shift. I delegated to people, I made sure we had what we needed, and that everyone knew what they were doing. That night him and I talked about promotion. He was me to be a trainer. I asked him what I needed to improve upon he said "Nothing. You're perfect. I want ten little you's running around the store". Firstly, you never tell your employees that there is nothing that they need to work on. Secondly, if I'm so damned good, why not promote me? I wish he would just tell me what he's looking for.

I closed last night, got home bout 4am. Had to wake up at 8 to be there are 9am. However I couldn't sleep... at all. So I'm gonna go work my 6 hour shift, come home and sleep from 4ish to 7ish.... lame. have to be back there at 8 till 5am. Nice boss to make me wake up at 8am, and have to stay at close which is 4 am. arg. Worse thing, is that this isn't the first time I've done something like this. We're going to get killed tonight, It's homecoming weekend. Tomorrow's going to suck balls as well.

Todd's b-day is coming up, and I'm not sure what to get him. I know that Little Big Planet is coming out the day before his b-day, but I don't know if that's what I want to get. I don't think he got me anything for my birthday.

mood: exhausted

Best thing I've ever taken a chance on! 15 lbs since Monday OMG! I feel great, I'm getting happier everyday. I'm thinking about ordering my next bottle when I get paid again just so I don't run out. I'm hoping that it doesn't platue like, 10lbs before my goal. I just want to be at least medical within my healthy weight.

I lost 2 more lbs sleeping :P

so I ordered this diet pill online for like $75. It had great reviews so I thought I'd give it a shot. I got them today. I weighed myself before I took my first one, and then again just now (approx. 12 hours later) and I'm down 4 lbs! I don't know if it's the normal everyday fluctuation or if it's an amazing pill. I'm gonna keep track of it everyday for the next two weeks. If this works as well as everyone says, I'll never stop taking them. They also have mood modifiers and shit so I was pretty happy all night. Not that I'm not usually happy at work. :)

I have my first manager meeting wednesday, I'm pretty stoked. My boss loves me, and I kick ass, at least compared to the other people there. I'm not promoted yet, but very soon.

oh yeah, and I'm getting a mini-lop rabbit. They are the cutest little bunnies ever!

I had a great week or so downstate. So many fun things happened, however I'm very glad to be home now. I'll write about all the fun stuff later.

Paramore "That's what you get"


No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

Pain make your way to me, to me.
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start, start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

I enjoy this song. Finger Eleven.


"I'll Keep Your Memory Vague"

This won't break your heart
But I just think it could
Cause I haven't tried as hard as I should
To separate you from everything I do
But I would never want to come between us two

I'll keep your memory vague
So you won't feel bad about me
I'll say the things that you said
Sometimes so it reminds me

Now I'm thinking back
To what I said before
I hope your heart won't have to hurt anymore
Cause it's really not that sad from here
Because the moments I can feel you near
They keep you close to me my dear
And if they ever become too clear...

Now you've gone away
Don't worry it's ok
That you're gone away
Further than yesterday
But you'll never leave these scenes
My mind replays

Where in the world have you gone now?


[Thanks to Dave Eisele for these lyrics]

mood: high

Ok so yesterday was a busy day. I had my first remicade treatment. I was pretty damn scared before I got there. I had to sit in a super comfy chair. I got my own T.V. that swiveled and moved, it was awesome. I got free soda. The put an I.V. in and hooked me up to a machine. the machine forced the medicine into my bloodstream. It made me a little woosey. I sat there for bout 3 hours. I watched "The Pacifier" with Vin Diesel. Cute movie. I fell asleep though through the middle. Slept for bout an hour. When I woke up I was high as shit and had to pee sooooo bad. I was still pretty high when I got home. I really wanted to get out and do something, so Todd called the scooter place. We went there and we bought a sweet little red scooter fir 1700 after taxes, plates, and insurance. I got to ride it around a bit last night to get used to it. It's awesome. I got going up to 40 before I started to get scared. When I test drove it at the dealers I was afraid to go over 15. haha. I'm a dork. It's really fun to scoot though. It get's about 80mpg. The tank is 1.8 gal. and you can go bout 150 miles on ten bucks! It rocks and it's so fun. I love it. We were trying to decide between the one we got or one that had a slightly bigger engine and a little more features. However the bigger one was 300 more, and we couldn't test them, he was waiting on new batteries for them, they all died during the winter.

I have to work a double today. Don't mind though. I just hope it's not raining when I get out of work. SCOOT SCOOT!

I'm not feeling very well right now. I can't stop shaking. It really sucks. Today is Lukes b-day. He's 3 years old today. I'm happy that I have him in my life. he's a really good kid. Him and Lili make me happier than anything in the world.

mood: blank

circumstances suck.